I (24F) have been with my fiancé (26M) for almost two years now. You don't want to, and it sounds like you're not done learning in life yet. And now we've been living together for about half a year. Check out the 6 most common questions in marriage counseling a relationship therapist gets asked. His research found that age can have a great effect on a man's attitude toward marriage. Anyone who had doubts about marriage (concept not the partner) and still went through with it, what’s your story? So you see.. it's a bit difficult to discuss serious issues with him. While it’s fine to be anti-marriage, I would argue it isn’t fair to either of you to be in a relationship and 6 years invested where you don’t want the same things for the future. She should not keep putting her time into you if she wants something that you already told her you don't want. Marriage 5 Truths About Marriage Happily ever after is not always the end result of a perfectly planned wedding. ... Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Reddit Google+ Tumblr Pinterest Vk Email. I have a cautionary tale: I have witnessed up close a situation in which a lady who felt she had married too young managed to convince (in a quasi-coercive way) her husband to have an open marriage after nearly 20 years together. Trust me when I say I have been through this. Based on your post, it sounds like you are both decent enough people who may simply not be compatible. If your girlfriend asks you to give up your career, you'd get alimony instead. I am wondering what she is thinking too - this seems like a bad deal for her! Many people think that making vows of commitment in a fancy get-up and then eating expensive shrimp … Press J to jump to the feed. Plenty of people get divorced. He is the most supportive partner I have ever had, he is very intelligent, he's (mostly) very caring, he is always there for me, he's funny, he's a great cook and a lot more. I would say the same thing if you were dating and knew eventually she absolutely wanted kids and you absolutely did not - those are fundamental differences that cause huge rifts in relationships when one’s expectations and hopes aren’t fulfilled and the others’ are, as it basically makes it as if one partner’s feelings are more important than the other - either way, if you got married, one of you would get what they wanted while one did not, and to me, marriage should be a relationship where both benefit. It proves that he's a good person (exactly the kind of person that will make a great husband someday) and that he … It's really how you work through your differences and disagreements (since they'll continue to happen throughout your life) that makes or breaks a marriage. r/MuslimMarriage2: r/MuslimMarriage, but less strict. Which is not okay for me. That's as it should be. Or even that your relationship is unhealthy. Need advice about your marriage? And I have talked to him about it many times, and it has not improved. But the feeling may be one you should listen to, all the same. If you could mold him into your perfect partner, what would change? I had to end my 22 year marriage, after being a complete co-dependant to a (ex)wife who neglected me in every way possible while insisting that I do all the heavy lifting on her command. Getting cold feet isn't abnormal, but this sounds like more than that. I don't think it's "manageable" for me. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. There's absolutely no reason not to wait a little longer on the wedding until you feel more sure. I might recommend trying to work through some of these before marriage. Yes, it's okay to be unsure about marriage. Don’t make such an important decision based on wedding deposits, embarrassment or the desire not to hurt anyone’s feelings - the consequences are far too huge. The Christian musician says she is unsure about the morality of LGBTQ relationships. I'll try to have a more structured discussion about chores with him. It can be hard to leave someone you've been with for a long time, especially when you don't want to hurt them or you're afraid to be alone. I do feel like I don’t want children more than she doesn’t want them. It's more than okay because it's really sweet. Talk to random strangers on the internet about it here. If You Are Unsure About the Relationship. Please don’t marry without confronting and correcting these issues. Everyone i know has been married and divorced. For instance, my friend married a med student and left her job to go to where he was attending med school. I had to go through the same situation with you. Sorry it took some time to answer. She made me love dogs and they are now a big part of my life. I get the sense that I really don't want something like that. I often think about how I never dated other people and how that might leave me unaware of stuff that I need to know prior to marriage. I feel like talking about marriage before a surprise proposal is best in order to understand the commitments and all that. I know that marriage isn't some magic potion to fixing things, that's why I'm here asking these questions. To Help You Figure Out If Marriage Is Even Worth It, Here's A Look At What Men Say … I kinda “dated” 2 people in high school and dated no one in the first year of college. The issues you bring up are very serious issues that WILL ruin a marriage if not settled, so you need to pause any marriage preparation until you can get on the same page. Thank you for your advise. Second - those who pay alimony do so because they put someone in a position of financial dependency on them. Your partner doesn't have to be abusive for you to leave. Talk about anything which would get removed there. It's hard to get over any breakup — let alone one with a person you thought you would be with forever. A Marriage Workbook For Engaged Couples Not all of her fans are prepared to accept that. And the folly of these relationships is that they are so often with a person who is objectively wonderful. Both of my parents who remarried had pretty large gatherings of friends and extended family. What would you tell a friend who posted this? Are you able to come to any resolution or plan to move forward with? Perhaps counseling will help you understand why you have doubts? I’ve been with my girlfriend for a little under 6 years. I definitely wouldn’t have posted if I wasn’t considering putting aside these thoughts and following my heart. You deserve way better than the faux-BDSM in "Fifty Shades Of Grey," so we put together a crib sheet on sexual submission. When you have fundamental, core differences like that, I feel divorce is inevitable just due to at least one partner having to sacrifice a core belief. That being said, there are some things best left to the heart. More posts from the marriageadvice community. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. I never thought of myself as a person with high libido, but (before him) I've been in relationships where regular sex (as in at least once a week) was a thing. The thing is that by now I realise that we got engaged way too early because we weren't really living together then. And although there were many good times, she was unsure of us. Alimony is also common for stay-at-home parents or spouses who have put their careers second to attend to the home, children, or their spouse's career. Are you talking to one another about issues? 22 years in April and I have never wanted out. The issues you bring up are very serious issues that WILL ruin a marriage if not settled, so you need to pause any marriage preparation until you can get on the same page. If she knows that you don't want to get married, but she still has it as an expectation, then I think you both have some growing to do. However, you shouldn’t take months to do this. You can't carry the relationship on your own, and getting married will not fix things. But right now, she was unsure if she could see a future with him. My guess is that the sex part won’t be corrected, leaving the question, “Is that manageable for you?”. I am merely trying to find out if these issues are salvageable.... And if not, get advice about what am I supposed to do. I was never sure about it but her confidence in … But I do recognize all the things that have come my way as the result of not having kids–and, by extension, being a woman on my own after my marriage … Do you both make efforts to change for the betterment of the relationship? If you feel unsure about your relationship, it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Be sure that they’re corrected over time. Marriage Is A Terrifying Prospect For Many Men And Women. Press J to jump to the feed. ... in large part because we’re simply unsure of who we’re supposed to be rooting for in the happily-ever-after department. Relationship anxiety can show up in different ways. Everyone goes through rough patches, but if it is mostly good it is ALL worth it. It's not. I would strongly advise you to call off the 2021 wedding and continue with an open-ended engagement (no actual wedding planning) while you work on your relationship and think about what it is you truly want. Keep it Islamic, but we are all adults … More than likely, you'll be in the same situation in a year except you'll have spent even more of your time with each other. Yes, it's okay to be unsure about marriage. Should you break up? All this ( and some other minor things) has got me thinking that maybe we're not compatible. I'm on mobile so forgive me for formatting and also English isn't my first language so sorry for grammar. The upside is that you can pool your resources - time, money, assets - so you can both get further ahead in life than you otherwise might. But that doesn’t tell us how many of the 110.6 million unmarried Americans want to be single, and how many wish they were married. But if it would come to that, I am worried about the reaction I would get from friends and family. Marriage isn't easy and you have to work at it, or so they say anyway. Not that I'm questioning that they are, more like a "pinch me, I think I'm dreaming" kinda thing. ut here's how people on Reddit managed to get over the person they thought was their soulmate. Is this the relationship you'd want for them? We have had a number of conversations on the general subject of "are we compatible" and have talked about issues within our' home arrangement' :. We got engaged sort of as an accident about 6 months into the relationship ( we had had a few drinks, got to talking about or future, he got on one knee and I said yes) but both of us have said that we don't regret the decision and we do plan on getting married in 2021. All of the relationship life lessons, if you will, have been taught to me through this relationship. Mid-twenties is young to get married and it sounds like you have a lot of hangups about marriage and divorce. Any of these issues can cause real problems in a marriage. 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